"Love thy neighbour"

I have continued to paint all 28 panels of my garden fence every night since the last time I blogged and I am please to report that I am now FINISHED! The sense of achievement is almost as great as the time I came third in a race and got a medal in the under 5's sprint at the local community sports day (there were only three of us in the actual race but that realisation didn't dawn on me until I was about ten years old so the jubilation that came with receiving that medal was with me for a long time).

Anyway, a couple of evenings ago I was on my ladder putting the final touches to the panels at the back of the garden when a neighbour passed by on the road at the front of my house. I should probably explain that my house is on a big, giant slope which means that while I am up a ladder at the back of the garden, I have a view of the neighbourhood and the neighbourhood has a view of me. It also makes having things like having swings or a slide for the kids a bit of an impossibility unless they are planning careers as stunt people in future movies (I am hoping that I can still get a bouncy castle for their birthday party and tack it in really firmly at one side and none of the parents will have an issue with their children jumping at a forty-five degree angle).
The very top of my back garden is probably about 15 feet higher than the bottom of my front garden.

I heard the back door open and so I looked down to see my little Charlotte running out to say hello to me. "Hello there sweetie!" I crooned in a rather loud voice and I was shocked when I heard a grown female voice say "Er hello?" back. Startled I looked for the source of the adult voice and spied my neighbour who lives about three doors up stopped at the bottom my front lawn looking at me with a slightly confused expression. We have only met once before and it was while I was painting the fence at the front of my house a few weeks ago and we spoke briefly as she was walking past (The usual stuff; "Aren't you doing a great job on your fence? I must do something with mine." "Oh no, sure your garden is lovely blah, blah, blah") and that is it! In five years, that is the extent of our conversation and now I was just mortified as she no doubt thinks that after one five minute conversation that included nothing but small talk, I had now found my new best friend and felt compelled to shout across two gardens to her in a very amorous and enthusiastic sort of fashion (a sort of Kathy Bates in Misery scenario).

I really don't know how to portray in writing how loving my voice sounded while I was greeting my little girl but seeing as I was on the ladder and Charlotte wasn't, Charlotte was not visible to anyone on the road and so my neighbour had no reason not to think that all my affection was directed towards her good self.

I had a split second to decide whether or not to tell her that I wasn't actually talking to her but I didn't want to come across as rude and so I decided to go with the flow.

"So how are you?" I questioned as sunnily as I could (I had to keep up the super friendly act so that she wouldn't suspect that I hadn't said hello to her in the first place and was in fact just ignoring her as she walked past).

"Oh I'm fine, fine, thanks for asking - yourself?". she answered sounding a small bit confused at this point and slightly straining her voice as we were about forty feet apart and separated by two lawns, a large wall and a shed.

"I'm great sure - painting the fence again" and I gestured with the paint brush and a little laugh.

"Aren't you great altogether?"

"Mummy, Mummy" piped up Charlotte suddenly who was still hidden from view but I saw a look of realisation slowly start to creep across my neighbours face upon hearing her little voice. This was my opportunity to admit good naturedly that I had actually only been speaking to my daughter in the first place and maybe we could even have shared a bit of a giggle about the whole thing but did I take it? Of course not.

"I was thinking that maybe we should start a neighbourhood watch or something. What do you think?" I babbled. "you know the way houses get broken into and stuff. It's be nice to look out for each other and maybe a residents group too I was thinking. Like you know the way the water keeps going and maybe we could plant some trees or something and it would be nice for us all to get to know each other, do you think......?" I trailed off. My neighbour just started at me and said nothing while nodding inanely with a cross between a half smile and an 'Oh my God, this woman is a bit of a headcase' expression upon her face.

"That's why I stopped you, you see. To see what you thought." I added feeling the heat of my embarrassment colour my face but hoping that we were too far apart for it to be spotted.

"Well... am....eh...... I'm not sure I have the time you see" she mumbled awkwardly.

"Oh don't worry" I screeched, "I'll organise everything and do all the work and you can just sit back and do nothing and just come to the meetings if you like.....or not! Ha ha.... Whatever you want! No problem!" I should point out here that as my original greeting had started off loud, high pitched and loving, I had continued to speak in that tone (To stay 'in character' if you will) and with every word I had become louder, more frantic and was now speaking at a level that only creatures with four legs could relate to.

"I'll let you know" she said quickly and scurried off as fast as she could as I squealed "BYEEEEEEEEE!" behind her.

What to do? Not only does my neighbour now think I am insane/strange/ annoying/desperate for friendship of any kind/overly familiar with people I barely know but I now also have to set up a neighbourhood watch scheme or she will think that I am a right plonker altogether.

To anyone else who finds themselves in a similar predicament while up a ladder - take my advice. If someone sees you - DUCK!