Santa Claus came to town.
Who the hell can resist bringing their children to see Santa Claus when you read that that the man in red is arriving nearby on the fourth of December in a helicopter? Certainly not this Mammy so after our lunch today the entire family bundled up against the cold, braved the icy, snowy roads (although probably more slushy than snowy at this stage) and made our way to our local Meadows and Byrnes store full of excitement and anticipation.
Santa was due to arrive at one O'clock and so we cut it fine and pulled into the car park at exactly five to one as my children unfortunately are not blessed with the greatest amount of patience so I did not want to have to wait too long for the big show to begin. Thankfully there were a number of Elves on hand to help keep spirits buoyant.
I am guessing that the Elves were sourced from the local transition year in the nearby all-girls school as every single Elf was female and none of them looked a day older than sixteen. Now call me a cynic if you like, but why on earth in these recessionary times would Meadows and Byrnes not hire some out of work actors for the job of being Santy's helpers? Could it be that most sixteen year old girls (not the parent/teacher hating, drug taking ones obviously) would see this sort of work as the coolest, fun-est job in the world and would be happy to be paid in nothing more than just a few buns and cream cakes? This is just a theory by the way in case the managing director of Meadows and Byrnes is reading this and is considering suing me for libel (although he can work away as I have nothing to give so it would only be his own time and money he is wasting and judging by today's offering to the public I'm guessing that he is not interested in wasting any of his money).
It's not that the girls weren't pleasant and friendly and intent on doing the very best job that they could (indeed some of them were amongst the chirpiest looking teenagers that I have ever seen in my life) but Santy was forty minutes late and it is pretty clear that the entertainment routine that they had planned consisted of Barbara Elf teaching the children a dance that they could do while counting to the number ten and Laura Elf singing Jingle Bells to the crowd whilst encouraging everyone to join in. While this killed about three minutes of standing around in the freezing cold, slushy puddles, when the routine came to an end the Elves looked at each other nervously for a minute or two and then brightly shouted "Will we do it again?" Even my three and four year old lost interest after the twelfth time.
And it is fairly clear that whoever was in charge of handing out the choking hazard, boiled sweets and sticky, sticky candy canes to the toddlers had no children of their own or else found the thought of one hundred parents trying to wrestle the hard sweet from their screaming child's mouth before it actually killed them, absolutely hilarious. Indeed it was all I could do to grimace and try to smile as Charlotte lovingly massaged her sticky candy cane covered hands into my hair. Lollipops people - with STICKS for the children to hold. It's not rocket science.
At twenty to two we heard the roar of engines and the representative from the local radio station announced that Santy was here but unfortunately I missed his entrance into the car park as I happened looking for him in the sky as was promised. However, Santy had not kept his word and arrived in a helicopter and had in fact shown up on a MOTORBIKE.
Again I can feel the old cynicism creeping over me. I really am sorry to be so full of doubt and pessimism and I know that they said the helicopter arrival depended on the weather but the ice had thawed and there was only a slight little drizzle of rain. As far as I know, it is only fairies that can't fly in the rain. What was wrong with the helicopter? Could Meadows and Byrnes have advertised a helicopter to attract poor old gullible Mammies like myself and then tried to pawn us off with a money saving motorbike entrance citing the drizzle as an excuse? Am I just full of conspiracy theories today or are helicopters really like fairies and just will not work if they get wet?
Anyway, the shortest, thinnest looking Santy that has ever existed in the history of santys (could they not even have stretched to a pillow under his suit for crying out loud?) jumped off the back of the motor bike waving to the crowd and a ten year old boy promptly ran up to him and snatched his hat off his head.
All was forgiven in that one moment! It was the funniest thing that I have ever seen (although perhaps not for the children close by who had to witness the subsequent short scuffle between Santy and the same child to get it back. Possibly a few illusions about the supposedly nicest man in the world were shattered before he had even made it to the building).
The big man in red made his way to the stage where he was handed a microphone and I'm guessing that he spoke about Mrs. Claus and the reindeer but equally he could have just been talking about the weather or the economic crisis as it was impossible to make out a word he was saying due to the dodgy microphone and the fact that he sounded exactly like Pat Shortt from D'Unbelievables. He was also constantly adjusting his hat which kept falling off and as a result his wig was contorting itself into all sorts of strange positions on his head.
I couldn't help myself and I bent down and whispered in Andrew's ear "You know, this might not actually be the real Santa. It might just be one of his helpers." I know I was shattering the illusion for him before he had even met this Santa for his present and a photo but I just could not have him believing that this skinny, incoherent man with the strange hair was the real thing. Luckily Andrew leant right back and whispered knowingly "I think you may be right Mummy".
The rest of the day actually went quite well. There was face painting inside and a merry-go-round outside and the children really did enjoy their visit with Santa when it actually came although I think that there maybe be more than one Santa there as I could actually understand the one that we visited even if he too was a bit on the slim side (more padding people!).
However there is one particular incident that I just have to mention. We had booked an audience with santy for 2.45 but when we entered the Grotto there was a woman in front of me who spoke to the shop assistant and said that her child was also booked in for 2.45. The assistant rather rudely replied "You'll have to go away and come back. We're only on the 2.30 appointments at the moment." The lady was a little down trodden at this and rather apologetically (I thought) said "Oh no. Are you serious? Does this mean we'll have to queue again?" and the shop assistant replied rather harshly "Yes you will. I'm sorry there is nothing we can do. We're very busy and it's just the way it worked out" to which the woman and her child said nothing but slunk meekly away.
The shop assistants attention then turned to me and I quickly said "Oh dear, we're 2.45 as well" and I received a big smile and was told "That's no problem, you can wait over there" and we saw Santy within ten minutes! While I am not complaining at the fact that I was the customer that was treated with a bit of respect and consideration, it really is a case of one woman weirdly having too much power.
Thankfully the children are too young to have all of the cynical, ironic, pessimistic and suspicious thoughts that myself and hubby seem to have accumulated over the years and actually enjoyed themselves and had a good day. However when I put Charlotte to bed tonight I asked her what her favourite part of today was she hesitated for just a minute and replied "The merry-go-round!"
Meadows and Byrne - you'll need to try harder........
Santa was due to arrive at one O'clock and so we cut it fine and pulled into the car park at exactly five to one as my children unfortunately are not blessed with the greatest amount of patience so I did not want to have to wait too long for the big show to begin. Thankfully there were a number of Elves on hand to help keep spirits buoyant.
I am guessing that the Elves were sourced from the local transition year in the nearby all-girls school as every single Elf was female and none of them looked a day older than sixteen. Now call me a cynic if you like, but why on earth in these recessionary times would Meadows and Byrnes not hire some out of work actors for the job of being Santy's helpers? Could it be that most sixteen year old girls (not the parent/teacher hating, drug taking ones obviously) would see this sort of work as the coolest, fun-est job in the world and would be happy to be paid in nothing more than just a few buns and cream cakes? This is just a theory by the way in case the managing director of Meadows and Byrnes is reading this and is considering suing me for libel (although he can work away as I have nothing to give so it would only be his own time and money he is wasting and judging by today's offering to the public I'm guessing that he is not interested in wasting any of his money).
It's not that the girls weren't pleasant and friendly and intent on doing the very best job that they could (indeed some of them were amongst the chirpiest looking teenagers that I have ever seen in my life) but Santy was forty minutes late and it is pretty clear that the entertainment routine that they had planned consisted of Barbara Elf teaching the children a dance that they could do while counting to the number ten and Laura Elf singing Jingle Bells to the crowd whilst encouraging everyone to join in. While this killed about three minutes of standing around in the freezing cold, slushy puddles, when the routine came to an end the Elves looked at each other nervously for a minute or two and then brightly shouted "Will we do it again?" Even my three and four year old lost interest after the twelfth time.
And it is fairly clear that whoever was in charge of handing out the choking hazard, boiled sweets and sticky, sticky candy canes to the toddlers had no children of their own or else found the thought of one hundred parents trying to wrestle the hard sweet from their screaming child's mouth before it actually killed them, absolutely hilarious. Indeed it was all I could do to grimace and try to smile as Charlotte lovingly massaged her sticky candy cane covered hands into my hair. Lollipops people - with STICKS for the children to hold. It's not rocket science.
At twenty to two we heard the roar of engines and the representative from the local radio station announced that Santy was here but unfortunately I missed his entrance into the car park as I happened looking for him in the sky as was promised. However, Santy had not kept his word and arrived in a helicopter and had in fact shown up on a MOTORBIKE.
Again I can feel the old cynicism creeping over me. I really am sorry to be so full of doubt and pessimism and I know that they said the helicopter arrival depended on the weather but the ice had thawed and there was only a slight little drizzle of rain. As far as I know, it is only fairies that can't fly in the rain. What was wrong with the helicopter? Could Meadows and Byrnes have advertised a helicopter to attract poor old gullible Mammies like myself and then tried to pawn us off with a money saving motorbike entrance citing the drizzle as an excuse? Am I just full of conspiracy theories today or are helicopters really like fairies and just will not work if they get wet?
Anyway, the shortest, thinnest looking Santy that has ever existed in the history of santys (could they not even have stretched to a pillow under his suit for crying out loud?) jumped off the back of the motor bike waving to the crowd and a ten year old boy promptly ran up to him and snatched his hat off his head.
All was forgiven in that one moment! It was the funniest thing that I have ever seen (although perhaps not for the children close by who had to witness the subsequent short scuffle between Santy and the same child to get it back. Possibly a few illusions about the supposedly nicest man in the world were shattered before he had even made it to the building).
The big man in red made his way to the stage where he was handed a microphone and I'm guessing that he spoke about Mrs. Claus and the reindeer but equally he could have just been talking about the weather or the economic crisis as it was impossible to make out a word he was saying due to the dodgy microphone and the fact that he sounded exactly like Pat Shortt from D'Unbelievables. He was also constantly adjusting his hat which kept falling off and as a result his wig was contorting itself into all sorts of strange positions on his head.
I couldn't help myself and I bent down and whispered in Andrew's ear "You know, this might not actually be the real Santa. It might just be one of his helpers." I know I was shattering the illusion for him before he had even met this Santa for his present and a photo but I just could not have him believing that this skinny, incoherent man with the strange hair was the real thing. Luckily Andrew leant right back and whispered knowingly "I think you may be right Mummy".
The rest of the day actually went quite well. There was face painting inside and a merry-go-round outside and the children really did enjoy their visit with Santa when it actually came although I think that there maybe be more than one Santa there as I could actually understand the one that we visited even if he too was a bit on the slim side (more padding people!).
However there is one particular incident that I just have to mention. We had booked an audience with santy for 2.45 but when we entered the Grotto there was a woman in front of me who spoke to the shop assistant and said that her child was also booked in for 2.45. The assistant rather rudely replied "You'll have to go away and come back. We're only on the 2.30 appointments at the moment." The lady was a little down trodden at this and rather apologetically (I thought) said "Oh no. Are you serious? Does this mean we'll have to queue again?" and the shop assistant replied rather harshly "Yes you will. I'm sorry there is nothing we can do. We're very busy and it's just the way it worked out" to which the woman and her child said nothing but slunk meekly away.
The shop assistants attention then turned to me and I quickly said "Oh dear, we're 2.45 as well" and I received a big smile and was told "That's no problem, you can wait over there" and we saw Santy within ten minutes! While I am not complaining at the fact that I was the customer that was treated with a bit of respect and consideration, it really is a case of one woman weirdly having too much power.
Thankfully the children are too young to have all of the cynical, ironic, pessimistic and suspicious thoughts that myself and hubby seem to have accumulated over the years and actually enjoyed themselves and had a good day. However when I put Charlotte to bed tonight I asked her what her favourite part of today was she hesitated for just a minute and replied "The merry-go-round!"
Meadows and Byrne - you'll need to try harder........
brilliant - charlotte is just the cutest and andrew the cleverest xxx
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