More mystery shopping...
I am still conducting my secret life as a mystery shopper and while it continues to deliver that enormous sense of power and importance that I so crave in my life, I am coming to the conclusion that I am looking more and more like a fool every day and I am starting to wonder if it is all worth it.
(For anyone who has not read my previous blogs: Mystery shopping is where I pose as a customer in a bank or shop and then come home and fill in a form for a mystery shopping agency that assesses how the staff preformed. Companies use mystery shoppers as a sort of way to spy on their staff and while the staff in most of these places know that mystery shoppers exist, they are not aware at the time while dealing with me, that I am one).
Take my latest assignment which was at a local opticians. My task was to go in and have an eye test and then to purchase a pair of glasses and assess how the staff member helped me choose my frames. The only snag was that when this assignment was advertised, one of the requirements for a shopper to complete this shop is that they must wear glasses (or else how could you choose your frames) and I don't. But considering that I haven't had an eye test in about ten years and not forgetting that I am fast approaching middle age and also taking into account that this is one of the better paid assignments, I decided that even though I don't currently wear glasses, I probably needed them so I emailed the mystery shop company that I work for and informed them that I am as blind as a bat and I would be delighted to take on this assignment (greed is a terrible thing).
I made my appointment and arrived bright and early for my eye test. Looking around me I saw a few papers lying around in the waiting room. Excellent! I LOVE to have something to complain about in these assessments so it looked like I was getting off to a good start. The optician was then about ten minutes late in seeing me. Yessssss, I thought - something else to complain about (a bad service is far more desirable in the case of a mystery shop than a good service purely for my entertainment value) so it all seemed to be going very well until the eye test finished and the optician announced cheerfully "Good news Rachael. Your eye sight is pretty much as good as it gets so you won't be needing glasses today".
Oh-oh!
Don't get me wrong, this would be good news on any other day but unfortunately not today as I needed to choose a pair of glasses as part of my brief or else I wouldn't get paid and I would have to pay for the eye test myself if I failed to follow the instructions that I had been given (not to mention that I had lied and told the company I work for that I did wear glasses but no need to dwell on that bit I thought.)
"Oh Gosh, are you sure?", I asked, "I mean, is my eye sight actually perfect or is it a bit off in any place at all? I mean, who has perfect eye sight, no-one right? Surely everyone has a bit of wonky vision is some part of their eye, don't they? Don't they?" I started to babble as visions of not getting paid my fifty Euro flashed before my eyes.
"Wee-ell", she said "There is maybe a +.25 prescription in your right eye but it's so slight that you wouldn't really need to wear glasses to correct it".
"Still", I said smiling, "I'd like them anyway".
She stared at me blankly for a minute. "I don't understand" she said eventually, "Are you saying that you want glasses even though you don't actually need them?"
"Well I get headaches you see" I said trying desperately to claw back a bit of respect from this stranger who was starting to look at me as though I was a bit deranged "And I just feel that if I wore glasses that it would help me with them".
"Oh, I see", she smiled at me and then said "No. No, glasses wouldn't help with your headaches I'm afraid as you are not actually straining your eyes to see anything. Do you understand?" Another big smile. "So there you are. You see, you don't need glasses after all".
"Well I want glasses anyway", I answered her with a note of desperation now sounding in my voice.
"But Rachael, they are quite expensive and you really don't need them. In fact if I gave you glasses and you started wearing them, you could become dependent on them. It really would be a bad idea"
"I don't mind that", I said, "I would just really like some like some. Please".
She stared at me for a moment with a bewildered expression on her face and then just shrugged her shoulders helplessly and said "Okay so. Come on, let's go and pick out some frames".
She deposited me in the hands of one of her colleagues who was to help me choose some frames and muttered in her ear for a moment before turning on her heel and leaving us. The new staff member that I was to deal with turned to me with an insane indulgent smile painted across her face. "HELLO THERE" she said loudly in the same manner that you would talk to a small child "ARE WE GETTING SOME GLASSES TODAY?"
Oh God - she was shouting at me in that way. You know the way that people feel that they need to shout at a stupid person. "I'm just an idiot" I wanted to mutter, "Not deaf" but I decided to refrain from humiliating myself further and just nodded and continued on with the task of choosing my glasses. Twenty minutes later I was strolling down the street thinking to myself, now there's another place that I can never enter again (the list is growing. See previous blogs).
Three weeks later, I got an email from the mystery shop agency asking me if I could conduct another eye test assignment in the same opticians but in a different branch and in a different town this time. It was for twice the original fee of the first shop and they were willing to pay me mileage as well and before I could say "No, absolutely not. My dignity is not for sale", I could feel the greedy, poor person inside me sit up suddenly and it was she who typed my reply "No problem. Will do it this week".
I decided to think of an elaborate lie this time so as not to suffer the same embarrassing routine of begging for glasses that I didn't need (probably the equivalent of going to the dentist with Donny Osmond style teeth and begging for a brace).
This time I decided that I was going to say that I was attending a pain specialist for headaches and it was who he had insisted that I get glasses if there was any sort of prescription in my eye so as to rule out causes for my pain (I know I shouldn't boast but I really can tell the most terrible lies if backed into a corner with the straightest face. I'm not proud of this - just merely stating a fact) and so what if they guessed that I might be lying about the pain specialist; It couldn't be any more embarrassing than the previous encounter I had had.
I arrived for my test and was called in by the optician almost immediately. She started to take a few details and as she was keying my name and date of birth into the computer she stopped suddenly and said "It says here that you had your eyes tested in a different branch less than four weeks ago. Is that right?"
Crap! It hadn't occurred to me for a second that she could see my details in another branch. Thinking quickly I said "Um yeah.... I lost my glasses and I need a new pair".
"But you don't need another eye test" She said in a tone that was half exasperated and half amused (I almost expected her to say "You don't need another eye test silly" the same way I would to one of my kids), "Just call and get your prescription and you can get some new glasses made.
Oh God! "Well I'd like a test anyway", I sighed.
"But it's thirty Euro and I guarantee you that your eye sight will not have changed in the space of four weeks, so let me call the other branch and get your prescription and...."
"NO!" I shouted suddenly and then more quietly, "They...um.... weren't very good and I think my eye sight is worse than they said... and am... I'm getting headaches and ah.... I just want another eye test. I don't care about the money".
"Okay" she said simply, obviously not sure whether I was crazy, or unstable, or both and started to proceed with the test.
I tried my hardest to fake not being able to read the letters and at the end of the test she announced that while my eye sight was very good, if I was getting headaches then maybe I would benefit from glasses while reading or working with the computer for long periods.
Result! And not too much mortification this time I thought smiling. We came down the stairs and she picked up the phone and dialled a number. "I'm just ringing the other branch you were at to compare your results just to make sure that I am giving you the right prescription for your eyes". I started to protest but the next thing that I knew, she was shushing me while she started to speak into the phone.
Oh God I thought, what were they saying to her?
"Okay.... Okay...... Yeah. Well she gets........ Okay..... Okay...... Oh really?.... Well thanks for letting me know..... That's great..... Thanks a million..... Bye".....".
She replaced the phone and turned to look at me. "Would you just like a nice pair of fashion frames with clear glass in them?" she said kindly.
I hesitated and allowed the cringe factor to wash over me.
"Yeah, that would be great, thanks".
(For anyone who has not read my previous blogs: Mystery shopping is where I pose as a customer in a bank or shop and then come home and fill in a form for a mystery shopping agency that assesses how the staff preformed. Companies use mystery shoppers as a sort of way to spy on their staff and while the staff in most of these places know that mystery shoppers exist, they are not aware at the time while dealing with me, that I am one).
Take my latest assignment which was at a local opticians. My task was to go in and have an eye test and then to purchase a pair of glasses and assess how the staff member helped me choose my frames. The only snag was that when this assignment was advertised, one of the requirements for a shopper to complete this shop is that they must wear glasses (or else how could you choose your frames) and I don't. But considering that I haven't had an eye test in about ten years and not forgetting that I am fast approaching middle age and also taking into account that this is one of the better paid assignments, I decided that even though I don't currently wear glasses, I probably needed them so I emailed the mystery shop company that I work for and informed them that I am as blind as a bat and I would be delighted to take on this assignment (greed is a terrible thing).
I made my appointment and arrived bright and early for my eye test. Looking around me I saw a few papers lying around in the waiting room. Excellent! I LOVE to have something to complain about in these assessments so it looked like I was getting off to a good start. The optician was then about ten minutes late in seeing me. Yessssss, I thought - something else to complain about (a bad service is far more desirable in the case of a mystery shop than a good service purely for my entertainment value) so it all seemed to be going very well until the eye test finished and the optician announced cheerfully "Good news Rachael. Your eye sight is pretty much as good as it gets so you won't be needing glasses today".
Oh-oh!
Don't get me wrong, this would be good news on any other day but unfortunately not today as I needed to choose a pair of glasses as part of my brief or else I wouldn't get paid and I would have to pay for the eye test myself if I failed to follow the instructions that I had been given (not to mention that I had lied and told the company I work for that I did wear glasses but no need to dwell on that bit I thought.)
"Oh Gosh, are you sure?", I asked, "I mean, is my eye sight actually perfect or is it a bit off in any place at all? I mean, who has perfect eye sight, no-one right? Surely everyone has a bit of wonky vision is some part of their eye, don't they? Don't they?" I started to babble as visions of not getting paid my fifty Euro flashed before my eyes.
"Wee-ell", she said "There is maybe a +.25 prescription in your right eye but it's so slight that you wouldn't really need to wear glasses to correct it".
"Still", I said smiling, "I'd like them anyway".
She stared at me blankly for a minute. "I don't understand" she said eventually, "Are you saying that you want glasses even though you don't actually need them?"
"Well I get headaches you see" I said trying desperately to claw back a bit of respect from this stranger who was starting to look at me as though I was a bit deranged "And I just feel that if I wore glasses that it would help me with them".
"Oh, I see", she smiled at me and then said "No. No, glasses wouldn't help with your headaches I'm afraid as you are not actually straining your eyes to see anything. Do you understand?" Another big smile. "So there you are. You see, you don't need glasses after all".
"Well I want glasses anyway", I answered her with a note of desperation now sounding in my voice.
"But Rachael, they are quite expensive and you really don't need them. In fact if I gave you glasses and you started wearing them, you could become dependent on them. It really would be a bad idea"
"I don't mind that", I said, "I would just really like some like some. Please".
She stared at me for a moment with a bewildered expression on her face and then just shrugged her shoulders helplessly and said "Okay so. Come on, let's go and pick out some frames".
She deposited me in the hands of one of her colleagues who was to help me choose some frames and muttered in her ear for a moment before turning on her heel and leaving us. The new staff member that I was to deal with turned to me with an insane indulgent smile painted across her face. "HELLO THERE" she said loudly in the same manner that you would talk to a small child "ARE WE GETTING SOME GLASSES TODAY?"
Oh God - she was shouting at me in that way. You know the way that people feel that they need to shout at a stupid person. "I'm just an idiot" I wanted to mutter, "Not deaf" but I decided to refrain from humiliating myself further and just nodded and continued on with the task of choosing my glasses. Twenty minutes later I was strolling down the street thinking to myself, now there's another place that I can never enter again (the list is growing. See previous blogs).
Three weeks later, I got an email from the mystery shop agency asking me if I could conduct another eye test assignment in the same opticians but in a different branch and in a different town this time. It was for twice the original fee of the first shop and they were willing to pay me mileage as well and before I could say "No, absolutely not. My dignity is not for sale", I could feel the greedy, poor person inside me sit up suddenly and it was she who typed my reply "No problem. Will do it this week".
I decided to think of an elaborate lie this time so as not to suffer the same embarrassing routine of begging for glasses that I didn't need (probably the equivalent of going to the dentist with Donny Osmond style teeth and begging for a brace).
This time I decided that I was going to say that I was attending a pain specialist for headaches and it was who he had insisted that I get glasses if there was any sort of prescription in my eye so as to rule out causes for my pain (I know I shouldn't boast but I really can tell the most terrible lies if backed into a corner with the straightest face. I'm not proud of this - just merely stating a fact) and so what if they guessed that I might be lying about the pain specialist; It couldn't be any more embarrassing than the previous encounter I had had.
I arrived for my test and was called in by the optician almost immediately. She started to take a few details and as she was keying my name and date of birth into the computer she stopped suddenly and said "It says here that you had your eyes tested in a different branch less than four weeks ago. Is that right?"
Crap! It hadn't occurred to me for a second that she could see my details in another branch. Thinking quickly I said "Um yeah.... I lost my glasses and I need a new pair".
"But you don't need another eye test" She said in a tone that was half exasperated and half amused (I almost expected her to say "You don't need another eye test silly" the same way I would to one of my kids), "Just call and get your prescription and you can get some new glasses made.
Oh God! "Well I'd like a test anyway", I sighed.
"But it's thirty Euro and I guarantee you that your eye sight will not have changed in the space of four weeks, so let me call the other branch and get your prescription and...."
"NO!" I shouted suddenly and then more quietly, "They...um.... weren't very good and I think my eye sight is worse than they said... and am... I'm getting headaches and ah.... I just want another eye test. I don't care about the money".
"Okay" she said simply, obviously not sure whether I was crazy, or unstable, or both and started to proceed with the test.
I tried my hardest to fake not being able to read the letters and at the end of the test she announced that while my eye sight was very good, if I was getting headaches then maybe I would benefit from glasses while reading or working with the computer for long periods.
Result! And not too much mortification this time I thought smiling. We came down the stairs and she picked up the phone and dialled a number. "I'm just ringing the other branch you were at to compare your results just to make sure that I am giving you the right prescription for your eyes". I started to protest but the next thing that I knew, she was shushing me while she started to speak into the phone.
Oh God I thought, what were they saying to her?
"Okay.... Okay...... Yeah. Well she gets........ Okay..... Okay...... Oh really?.... Well thanks for letting me know..... That's great..... Thanks a million..... Bye".....".
She replaced the phone and turned to look at me. "Would you just like a nice pair of fashion frames with clear glass in them?" she said kindly.
I hesitated and allowed the cringe factor to wash over me.
"Yeah, that would be great, thanks".
The price of greed! Could you not get tested, pass and say thanks, now can you help me with sunglasses? Still frames to choose. Anyway they should get top marks for sensitivity in dealing with the mentally unstable!
ReplyDeleteYes. That would have been better wouldn't it?
ReplyDeletelol what a brilliant story.
ReplyDeleteI'd love to be a mystery shopper. So many times I've seen things to complain about....lol.