My latest war zone - the toddler group!
Since my children have been born I have attended the local mother and baby group, the mother and toddler group and even the local breastfeeding support group. I actually really enjoyed attending the breast feeding support group despite the slightly military, over the top approach that one or two of the mothers took; like insisting at the coffee shop that we all took out our boobs and fed our children whether they were hungry our not as if other people got embarrassed it was their problem and not ours. We'll show them, was the general consensus! Or feeding your children well up to and sometimes even beyond their toddler years when they were old enough to actually ask for it (not a good memory for any child to have in my opinion).
However, most of the mothers were very much like me and often had no family around and had either no, or very few friends with children so saw these groups as a way of meeting other Mums in the same boat and introducing your child to other children. I made a lovely group of similar non-military approach like friends at that group and have pretty much stuck with them every since.
In fact if I am to be really honest, I have to admit that I actually liked going to the breast feeding group so much, that long after I had actually stopped breast feeding my son, I still continued to attend the group. I used to frantically force-feed him with a bottle in the car before I went in and pray to God that he wouldn't get hungry inside for fear that I would have to produce a bottle with formula in it and face gasps of shock and horror from the few over zealous mothers there and end up being shunned from the group for life. This was before I actually plucked up the courage to ask my other new found friends for their phone numbers and arrange to meet them outside the group (such fear of rejection - I have no idea where it comes from!) so thankfully my moments of madness were short lived.
I then progressed to the mother and baby group and from there on to the mother and toddler group where it has now become a whole new ball game.
Recently someone asked me if the mother and toddler group is full of Yummy Mummies and MILF's who drive SUV's, carry Burberry handbags and say things like "Yaw" all the time or talk about subjects such as "I simply must think about letting Arabella's French teacher go. She is three and a half now and her pronunciation is just appalling".
*A quick note about the distinction between a Yummy Mummy and a MILF. Yummy mummies are young, sexy, wear trendy clothes, have great hairstyles and always look fabulous. MILF's are also fabulous but are over thirty. I unfortunately, come under neither category.
Now there is always the odd mother ( I have one in mind but will refrain from giving her name here in an attempt at self preservation) who will ask you in a loud voice if you are giving your child the swine flu vaccination or do you believe in slapping as a form of discipline and has no real interest in your answer (if you are stupid enough to give her one) but just uses the conversation to loudly express her own opinions, of which she has many, for all to hear and disagree with as most of her opinions are ridiculous and just said for shock value.
There is also the mother who you will over hear saying something like "I don't know what to do about Jane - so far she has had two massive tantrums and I don't know how I'll handle another". I had to interrupt. "Sorry, did I hear right? Did you say two tantrums? You meant more like two hundred tantrums, right?". (I mean Jane is almost three for God's sake!)
"No you heard right, two. God I'm at my wits end! How did you cope with your ones little tantrums, if they have any that is?"
If they have any.....?? What planet does this woman live on?
"I'd have parties every day if my two only ever had two tantrums" I answered her in a poor attempt at humour, "I mean Charlotte has had about two hundred tantrums so far and Andrew has had about two thousand.There was a time not so long ago when he used to practically live in time-out. He only came out to eat and sleep and use the toilet and if he hadn't been potty trained he wouldn't even have come out for that. Ha ha!"
Pause.
She just started at me with out blinking and didn't even raise a smirk. The vibrations around us echoed with the unspoken words; Bad parent. Bad parent. Bold children. Bad parent.
Quick scurry from me to the other side of the room where I plead desperately with my two children never to cry or shout in front of the strange lady with the amazingly agreeable child. The embarrassment would just be too much.
However, most of the group are great and it's nice to just sit down and have a chat while the kids run around and play with each other. Well that is for the first hour of the group anyway. The second hour of the group consists of everyone standing in a circle and dancing around with our children and singing songs and nursery rhymes. It's not as bad as it sounds as all the other mothers are also leaping around the place like eejits as well so the mortification level is low and the hour of peace before the dancing starts while the kids play together just makes any level of humiliation worth it.
That is until yesterday that is! I usually go to the toddler group on a Wednesday but because of some mad malfunction going on in the central cortex of my brain I completely forgot that it was Wednesday so I decided to go yesterday (Thursday) instead even though none of my usual possey were there. I thought, it might be nice to meet and chat to some other Mums for a change.
I arrived and sat beside this very tired looking woman and gave a few encouraging smiles in her direction but none were returned. Her daughter who was about four years old was playing in front of us in a stationary wooden car and was such a pretty little girl with lovely long blonde hair and big blue eyes. Another boy ran over and stepped on to the car to play in it also and suddenly the face on the same pretty little girl twisted into such an ugly angry looking face and she stood up and caught the other child by the shoulders and hurled him to the ground where he walloped his head.
"Oh my God!" I stood up and ran to check if he was okay after ascertaining that he was then deposited him in the arms of his Grandmother where he lay roaring crying for ages. Now, this is nothing new really as the kids are always having little fights and scraps with each other at this age but when I turned to the perpetrators mother and said "I hope he's okay, he got a right bang", she looked right past me with a look on her face that was somewhere between disinterest and a sneer and just shrugged her shoulders. I was stunned! Not a word to chastise her daughter. Not even a word to check if the little guy was okay. She just couldn't care less.
I looked around and saw that her little girl was making herself right at home in the group by pushing over all the other children (some of them little more than babies) and slapping anyone who came near her while her mother just gazed on disinterested and let it all happen. At one stage there was about ten children all crying their eyes out. What a bully I thought!I kept an eye on my two children ready to pounce if she came within an inch of them and I didn't have to wait long. Andrew bounded over to her with a big smile on his face as he is one of the older children there so likes to seek out other older children too to play with and as he approached her she raised her hand without any provocation whatsoever and smack! She gave him the most stinging slap across his face that was so loud it sounded like a whip being cracked. I couldn't help myself. I stormed over and said in my crossest Mammy voice "Don't you dare hit him. That is very naughty!" and she looked at me for a moment with the boldest look on her face and then walked slowly over to her mother where I could see her mouthing words while she pointed in my direction.
Her mother glared at me.
I glared back at her.
The air was so thick with tension that you could have cut it with a knife. I could feel all the other mothers whose children had been victims at the hands of this bully around me willing me to have a go at her.
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Say something to me, I willed her - SAY SOMETHING! I should point out her that I am not actually afraid of confrontation, I just don't like to start it. Merely responding to provocation gives me a feeling of taking the moral high ground and of superiority so I was dying for her to say something to me first.
It was not to be. With one last glare she turned away and then so did I. My moment had passed.
Aaawwwww! No-one said it but I could hear it anyway.
I came home and texted the story to my friends. I rang my husband at work and told him. I've written a blog about it but I'm still fuming. On the bright side I didn't get into a fight with a strange woman in front of thirty other women and their children (verbal of course, not physical. I haven't quite become that woman yet) so I am not the scum of the earth and can still return to the toddler group with my reputation in tact but on the other side, I have never wanted to say "Bad mother - you are a bad mother" so much to another woman. Am I over reacting? Probably but I just hate bullies and it is so horrible so see a bully like that in infant form.
Would I say something if I had a chance again? I really don't know. Is this woman a psychopath (judging by her reaction to her own child's psychotic tendencies) and have I narrowly missed out on coming home to find my pet rabbit bubbling away on the stove or does she really just not have a clue and need someone to tell her straight out "Your daughter is a BRAT - Do something!!"? I doubt I'll ever see her again as she would have to have a skin thicker than the crust of the Earth not to notice the animosity towards her from all the other mothers there, not just from me. But I am interested to see if she does return or not and I'm sure that that will help me get a better gage on her mental instabilities. Maybe I am still going to have it out with her yet.... Hmm - I'll keep you posted!
However, most of the mothers were very much like me and often had no family around and had either no, or very few friends with children so saw these groups as a way of meeting other Mums in the same boat and introducing your child to other children. I made a lovely group of similar non-military approach like friends at that group and have pretty much stuck with them every since.
In fact if I am to be really honest, I have to admit that I actually liked going to the breast feeding group so much, that long after I had actually stopped breast feeding my son, I still continued to attend the group. I used to frantically force-feed him with a bottle in the car before I went in and pray to God that he wouldn't get hungry inside for fear that I would have to produce a bottle with formula in it and face gasps of shock and horror from the few over zealous mothers there and end up being shunned from the group for life. This was before I actually plucked up the courage to ask my other new found friends for their phone numbers and arrange to meet them outside the group (such fear of rejection - I have no idea where it comes from!) so thankfully my moments of madness were short lived.
I then progressed to the mother and baby group and from there on to the mother and toddler group where it has now become a whole new ball game.
Recently someone asked me if the mother and toddler group is full of Yummy Mummies and MILF's who drive SUV's, carry Burberry handbags and say things like "Yaw" all the time or talk about subjects such as "I simply must think about letting Arabella's French teacher go. She is three and a half now and her pronunciation is just appalling".
*A quick note about the distinction between a Yummy Mummy and a MILF. Yummy mummies are young, sexy, wear trendy clothes, have great hairstyles and always look fabulous. MILF's are also fabulous but are over thirty. I unfortunately, come under neither category.
Now there is always the odd mother ( I have one in mind but will refrain from giving her name here in an attempt at self preservation) who will ask you in a loud voice if you are giving your child the swine flu vaccination or do you believe in slapping as a form of discipline and has no real interest in your answer (if you are stupid enough to give her one) but just uses the conversation to loudly express her own opinions, of which she has many, for all to hear and disagree with as most of her opinions are ridiculous and just said for shock value.
There is also the mother who you will over hear saying something like "I don't know what to do about Jane - so far she has had two massive tantrums and I don't know how I'll handle another". I had to interrupt. "Sorry, did I hear right? Did you say two tantrums? You meant more like two hundred tantrums, right?". (I mean Jane is almost three for God's sake!)
"No you heard right, two. God I'm at my wits end! How did you cope with your ones little tantrums, if they have any that is?"
If they have any.....?? What planet does this woman live on?
"I'd have parties every day if my two only ever had two tantrums" I answered her in a poor attempt at humour, "I mean Charlotte has had about two hundred tantrums so far and Andrew has had about two thousand.There was a time not so long ago when he used to practically live in time-out. He only came out to eat and sleep and use the toilet and if he hadn't been potty trained he wouldn't even have come out for that. Ha ha!"
Pause.
She just started at me with out blinking and didn't even raise a smirk. The vibrations around us echoed with the unspoken words; Bad parent. Bad parent. Bold children. Bad parent.
Quick scurry from me to the other side of the room where I plead desperately with my two children never to cry or shout in front of the strange lady with the amazingly agreeable child. The embarrassment would just be too much.
However, most of the group are great and it's nice to just sit down and have a chat while the kids run around and play with each other. Well that is for the first hour of the group anyway. The second hour of the group consists of everyone standing in a circle and dancing around with our children and singing songs and nursery rhymes. It's not as bad as it sounds as all the other mothers are also leaping around the place like eejits as well so the mortification level is low and the hour of peace before the dancing starts while the kids play together just makes any level of humiliation worth it.
That is until yesterday that is! I usually go to the toddler group on a Wednesday but because of some mad malfunction going on in the central cortex of my brain I completely forgot that it was Wednesday so I decided to go yesterday (Thursday) instead even though none of my usual possey were there. I thought, it might be nice to meet and chat to some other Mums for a change.
I arrived and sat beside this very tired looking woman and gave a few encouraging smiles in her direction but none were returned. Her daughter who was about four years old was playing in front of us in a stationary wooden car and was such a pretty little girl with lovely long blonde hair and big blue eyes. Another boy ran over and stepped on to the car to play in it also and suddenly the face on the same pretty little girl twisted into such an ugly angry looking face and she stood up and caught the other child by the shoulders and hurled him to the ground where he walloped his head.
"Oh my God!" I stood up and ran to check if he was okay after ascertaining that he was then deposited him in the arms of his Grandmother where he lay roaring crying for ages. Now, this is nothing new really as the kids are always having little fights and scraps with each other at this age but when I turned to the perpetrators mother and said "I hope he's okay, he got a right bang", she looked right past me with a look on her face that was somewhere between disinterest and a sneer and just shrugged her shoulders. I was stunned! Not a word to chastise her daughter. Not even a word to check if the little guy was okay. She just couldn't care less.
I looked around and saw that her little girl was making herself right at home in the group by pushing over all the other children (some of them little more than babies) and slapping anyone who came near her while her mother just gazed on disinterested and let it all happen. At one stage there was about ten children all crying their eyes out. What a bully I thought!I kept an eye on my two children ready to pounce if she came within an inch of them and I didn't have to wait long. Andrew bounded over to her with a big smile on his face as he is one of the older children there so likes to seek out other older children too to play with and as he approached her she raised her hand without any provocation whatsoever and smack! She gave him the most stinging slap across his face that was so loud it sounded like a whip being cracked. I couldn't help myself. I stormed over and said in my crossest Mammy voice "Don't you dare hit him. That is very naughty!" and she looked at me for a moment with the boldest look on her face and then walked slowly over to her mother where I could see her mouthing words while she pointed in my direction.
Her mother glared at me.
I glared back at her.
The air was so thick with tension that you could have cut it with a knife. I could feel all the other mothers whose children had been victims at the hands of this bully around me willing me to have a go at her.
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Say something to me, I willed her - SAY SOMETHING! I should point out her that I am not actually afraid of confrontation, I just don't like to start it. Merely responding to provocation gives me a feeling of taking the moral high ground and of superiority so I was dying for her to say something to me first.
It was not to be. With one last glare she turned away and then so did I. My moment had passed.
Aaawwwww! No-one said it but I could hear it anyway.
I came home and texted the story to my friends. I rang my husband at work and told him. I've written a blog about it but I'm still fuming. On the bright side I didn't get into a fight with a strange woman in front of thirty other women and their children (verbal of course, not physical. I haven't quite become that woman yet) so I am not the scum of the earth and can still return to the toddler group with my reputation in tact but on the other side, I have never wanted to say "Bad mother - you are a bad mother" so much to another woman. Am I over reacting? Probably but I just hate bullies and it is so horrible so see a bully like that in infant form.
Would I say something if I had a chance again? I really don't know. Is this woman a psychopath (judging by her reaction to her own child's psychotic tendencies) and have I narrowly missed out on coming home to find my pet rabbit bubbling away on the stove or does she really just not have a clue and need someone to tell her straight out "Your daughter is a BRAT - Do something!!"? I doubt I'll ever see her again as she would have to have a skin thicker than the crust of the Earth not to notice the animosity towards her from all the other mothers there, not just from me. But I am interested to see if she does return or not and I'm sure that that will help me get a better gage on her mental instabilities. Maybe I am still going to have it out with her yet.... Hmm - I'll keep you posted!
oh my god I wouldnt have given her a slap - let her know how it feels!
ReplyDeleteWhich one? The child or the mother?
ReplyDelete